|Micah will now wax poetic about death.
||[Jun. 26th, 2004|04:07 am]
...feel somewhat sick from lack of sleep and lack of care for myself.... |
one thing you learn from living with meth addicts is that only knowledge of our own mortality kills us. I have stayed awake for days with people who had no knowledge that they would ever sleep. I was the only one to suffer. Sarah would look at me with sad, broken eyes and tell me when it was time to get some rest. This, when she had been awake for most of the week. I would ususally be sick, starting to hallucinate and a bit shaky. I knew that my body could not sustain life unless i was to find rest. Sarah, on the other hand, knew that she was awake, and would stay awake. It was not until that final moment when her lashes met and she became certain that they would not loose their embrace that she would find rest. It came with no surprise- in that final twinkling her thinking changed, and it was time. She had felt no ill effects beforehand as i had. This was because she was never accepted the existance of sleep until that point while i lived in reverent awareness of my need.
Death is very much the same. Those of us living in constant awareness that our path leads only to an abrupt end will lead a dead, painful life. It is only those who deny that death is upon them who truly live. It is my belief that a man can deny his death while dirt is being thrown upon his grave. If this theory holds true, a man will only die if he allows this to occur. Of course, at one point or another in a man's life, death becomes a comfort rather than a fear. Even if this time of realization happens for the briefest of moments, the man who has denied death for many years may very well be able to accept its existance and give himself over to it very quickly. Others feel the need to struggle after the acceptance, making the experience even more difficult. While it can be staved-off for a long while, simply acknowledging our mortality sets its gears into motion, only to be slowed by our innatention.
There is no weakness in accepting death. True weakness is in the heart of a person who cannot face the possibility. A man of stregnth will accept every possible challenge in life, including those which are destined to be faced late in his journey. I am in no way proposing that death is not inevitable, of course. I simply believe that it may be staved-off indefinitely if a person does not allow himself to face it. This is quite a problem, of course, as the man who fears death obviously accepts its reality, and will live a life fighting death. This is no way to live. We should live, instead, never letting our mortality dock itself in our minds until that ship is the only one in life which chases a horizon we have yet to see.